So I says to my friend O.D. (Malone, that is),” What is it you like about being a supporter of Newcastle United?” thinking he would say, the ground, the atmosphere, the black and white striped shirts, something like that. I knew it wouldn’t be the owner or the manager or the players.

We all know better than that. Lets face it, the last time they won anything worthwhile was in 1955. And to avoid relegation to a lower division this season, will take a superhuman effort. An effort that has not yet emerged this season. Even a human effort would be appreciated. So why do we support this team of under achievers year after year?

O.D. thought for a minute. Then his face took on a look of happiness. “It’s the pies, innit?” He was referring to the hot pies that are on sale at the ground on match days. They are so hot that you can’t eat them straight away, but if you buy two, one for each pocket, they will keep your hands warm while you wait in vain for something to applaud the team for. Then when they are suitable for consumption you can console yourself with a couple of warm pies. Comfort food.

So if anyone asks you why you are a supporter of Newcastle United, a question that puzzles  everyone who is not a supporter, you can tell them, “it’s the pies, innit?”

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